Old Home Café: The Next Generation

By Edward Floden, based on characters and situations created by William D. Fries, Jr.

Episode XXIX: Remember When

(Originally published in The Legend-News of 2004 March 30.)

[Music: Opening theme.]

ANNOUNCER: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of Old Home Café, brought to you by TechRen Enterprises, where fiction is reality. First, a word from our sponsor.

WALTER: Say, Bob, don’t you collect classic vinyl albums?

BOB: Still do! But I don’t listen to them very much. Every time that I play one of those records, the disc gets worn just a little bit more. If I play them too often, I’ll just wear them out. I’ve tried taping those albums, but it’s just so much hassle.

WALTER: Have you tried digitizing them? You can have all of your favorite albums transferred to CD!

BOB: That’s a great idea, Walter, but I haven’t the time or the equipment to do that.

WALTER: TechRen Enterprises does! They can take your albums and turn them into CDs that sound just like the originals.

BOB: But that’s not always good. I’ve got some discs that are so scratchy, they’re barely listenable.

WALTER: TechRen can help there, too! They can reduce those annoying clicks, pops and surface noise so that you can once again hear the music.

BOB: Is this service expensive?

WALTER: Not at all, when you consider the hours of enjoyment that you’ll get in return.

BOB: How do I contact them?

WALTER: They’re on the Web at ‘techren.com’; or you can send e-mail to ‘av@techren.com’. They’ll promptly respond to all enquiries.

BOB: Thanks, Walter! I can’t wait to hear those old songs again!

ANNOUNCER: And now, Old Home Café. Tonight’s episode is entitled “A Brand New Day.” As our scene opens, Jon Bach, the owner of the Old Home Café, greets an old customer.

[SFX: Door chime.]

JON: (dead silence)

ANNOUNCER: Please excuse that dead air, faithful listeners. We seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties. Our technicians are endevouring to correct the problem, and we should shortly resume our program. Yes, I’ve just been told that the cause has been found and corrected. Once again, Old Home Café.

JON: (unintelligible static, followed by dead silence)

ANNOUNCER: Once again, we apologize for the problems which we are having, and that are denying you the opportunity to hear another fine episode of Old Home Café. While we continue to search for the source of our lack of audio, please enjoy this musical interlude.

[Music: (dead silence)]

ANNOUNCER: Our problem seems to encompass more than the microphones of our cast. I’m told by the control booth that the only microphone which is working is that of yours truly. Please excuse me for one moment; I’m receiving instructions from the control booth.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, as our repairs continue, I’ve been instructed to give you a brief recap of the events that have occured here at the Old Home Café.

Jon Bach, a burnt-out software engineer, was travelling through Iowa on a short vacation, when he passed through Pisgah and noticed that the once-popular Old Home Café was shuttered and up for sale. The Café, the famous hangout of trucker C.W. McCall, had fallen on hard times.

Upon his return to Chicago, Jon quit his frustrating job and decided to move to Pisgah and reopen the Café, which he did. For his staff, he hired several of Pisgah’s residents and a biker who became stranded in Pisgah.

Jon has also hired Avis Granelli, a former accountant, to manager the Old Home Café. Unknown to Jon, Avis is the daughter of C.W. McCall and his wife, Mavis. Avis is…

Excuse me, listeners, I’m told that we will again attempt to begin our broadcast. Here it is, the Old Home Café.

[SFX: Door chime.]

JON: (static)

(Much dead air. Then finally…)

ANNOUNCER: We apologize for this week’s lack of an episode, and we hope that you will join us next time for another episode of Old Home Café, when (static)

[Music: Closing theme.]

Next: Jon has a secret

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