Chapter 5 : Building Up and Counting Down
The Legend-News was the main source of information for Convoy 2000. For the next four months, every issue contained a tidbit about the event.
You will notice that there are many references to the “Convoy 2000 Information Page”. This site was maintained by T A Chafin, at America Online. The site no longer exists.
The Legend-News: 2000 February 14
Convoy 2000
Still looking for something to do during the week of June 6th? There’s a short jaunt across the U.S.A. being organized to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the song “Convoy”. You can find more information on the Convoy 2000 Information Page; or write to augustprty@aol.com.
I’m planning to go. It’s a great excuse to buy a new Jeep. :)
The Legend-News: 2000 February 21
Convoy 2000
The preliminary itinerary: we depart from Los Angeles on the morning of Tuesday, June 6, and arrive at that one Atlantic Ocean on the evening of Saturday, June 10. Read the details on the Convoy 2000 Information Page.
Major decisions still need to be made. For example, do I go into serious hock to buy my dream Grand Cherokee, or do I buzz the Interstates in my ’94 Saturn? What model CB should I bring along? And what about a radar detector? Hmmm…
The Legend-News: 2000 February 28
Convoy 2000
99 days until Convoy 2K
99 days until then
Grab your mics and break one-nine
99 days ’til truckin’ begins
(Yes, you’re supposed to sing that to the tune of “99 Bottles Of Beer”.)
Disclaimer: Convoy 2000 is in no way associated with Windows® 2000, which is a product of Microsoft Corporation. The major differences between these two ideas is (1) Windows 2000 is not an automotive vehicle operating system, and (2) Convoy 2000 will crash less often. On the other hand, Convoy 2000 may smash into more than 63,000 bugs.
The Legend-News: 2000 March 6
Convoy 2000
If you haven’t recently checked the Convoy 2000 Information page, then you may not yet know that our trip has the official nod of approval from the Rubber Duck himself, Bill Fries. He can’t make the entire trip — that’s for us, The Young and The Foolish — but there’s a chance that he might make an appearance. Cross your fingers, boys and girls.
The Legend-News: 2000 March 13
Convoy 2000
There is now a first draft of the itinerary for Convoy 2000. The basic route:
- Day One: Los Angeles, CA to Gallup, NM via I-10, I-17, I-40.
- Day Two: Gallup, NM to Oklahoma City, OK via I-40.
- Day Three: Oklahoma City, OK to Clinton, IL I-44, I-55.
- Day Four: Clinton, IL to Youngstown, OH via I-55, I-80.
- Day Five: Youngstown, OH to Atlantic City, NJ via I-76, Atlantic City Expressway.
That’s the rough route; it may change slightly. Refined details, when available, will be posted on the Convoy 2000 Information Page.
You may have noticed that the trip from Flagstaff to Chicago is basically the route of old U.S. 66. This does present a problem though, as you'll need to sing the lyrics to “(Get Your Kicks On) Route 66” backwards.
The Legend-News: 2000 March 20
Convoy 2000
There are rumors that the pace car for Convoy 2000 will be the Mach 5, driven by “Speed” Racer. We have not been able to confirm this rumor. However, we do believe that Racer X — who is really Speed’s brother, but Speed doesn’t know that — will be handling the back door.
The Legend-News: 2000 March 27
Convoy 2000
Tuesday, 2000 June 6, in a rest area on I-10 near San Bernardino. Yes, that’s the official starting point for Convoy 2000, a somewhat-organized attempt to drive (almost) coast-to-coast with a bunch a’ C.W. McCall fans armed with CB radios and having too much vacation time on their hands. :)
We’ve got a great press release, written by Carey Dodson, and soon the world will know of our plans. Bahahahahaha!
The Legend-News: 2000 April 3
Convoy 2000
Breaker one-nine, this here’s the Silversmith. You gotta copy on me, Luke Skywalker, c’mon? Yeah, that’s a big ten-four, Luke, fer shure, fer shure. Got a tank full a’ gas and a map a’ the stars, c’mon. Yeah, Luke, the sun’s shinin’ and there’s a crowd in the parkin’ lot. Mercy sakes alive, looks like we gonna have a convoy.
’Bout 8 A.M. (or quarter to)
In rest stop near ’Berdoo
A dozen four-wheelers sat an’ waited
For what they came to do
They’d gathered here from far and wide
Preparin’ to take a trip
From Shaky Town to ’Lantic Pond
Three thousand miles a’ strip
Then across that one-nine channel
From a Geo Metro truck
“This here’s that Luke Skywalker
“And we about ta go a-huntin’ Duck”
[Chorus]
’Cause we got a little ol’ convoy
Crusin’ coast-to-coast
Yeah, we got a little ol’ convoy
It ain’t much but we’ll boast
Come on and join our convoy
We’re goin’ from L.A. to N.J.
We’re gonna roll this rockin’ convoy
’Cross the U.S.A.
Convoy!
The Legend-News: 2000 April 10
Convoy 2000 Tip Of The Week
Do not turn left at Albuquerque. Although the distance to Santa Fe is only 58 miles, the proper way to approach the town is via Raton Pass, and we ain't goin' anywhere near there.
On the other hand, be sure to check out the itinerary at the Convoy 2000 Information Page. The arrival of warmer weather unfroze Alan's brain: he remembered that we'd be travelling through four time zones on our way east, and adjusted the times accordingly. We're still making the trip in five days, too, except for the possible strays who get lost and win up in Omaha.
The Legend-News: 2000 April 17
Convoy 2000 Tip Of The Week
Although the Convoy 2000 Information Page contains detailed information about the route and schedule of The Convoy, we here at The Legend-News have identified a need for simple instructions.
Three Easy Steps To A Successful Convoy 2000
- Go to San Bernardino on the 6th of June.
- Point vehicle in an eastwardly direction.
- Place foot on accelerator pedal and press.
Note: be certain to bring enough change for the cashboxes. They don’t take checks or credit cards.
The Legend-News: 2000 May 1
Convoy 2000: We’re Not Famous Yet
The plans and publicity for Convoy 2000 are rolling along. Alan (TA) Chafin and Carey Dodson are the guys behind the scenes, and they’ve been working hard to spread the word about our little trip. Several radio stations have contacted us, and even The Washington Post has shown interest. And as a reminder of what it’s all about, we’ve got a few copies of C.W. McCall’s Greatest Hits that we’re sending as bribes incentives to get the attention of the news media.
Be sure to check the official Convoy 2000 site for updates on the itinerary. The route is final, but Alan’s added the locations of some of the stops that we’ll be making along the way.
Only 36 days to go!
The Legend-News: 2000 May 8
Convoy 2000 Tip Of The Week
Along the way, Convoyers — and if that’s not a word, it shouldn’t be — will encounter a lot of 18-wheelers. Since most of us will be driving four-wheelers, we’ve got to remember that semi-trucks aren’t cars, especially when visibility is considered. Sure, we can see them, but they can’t always see us.
Consider the graphic to the right. This illustrates the No-Zone, the area in which the truck driver can't see you, or in which it's just plain dangerous to be. Sure, the trucker's got outside mirrors, but his field of view isn't unlimited. He doesn't have eyes in the back of his truck, either.
You can learn more about the No-Zone at its official web site, a campaign of the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration.
Only 29 days until Convoy 2000!
My Event Is Convoy 2000!
No,
My
Event Is Convoy 2000!
One of the rules of copyright law states that book and movie titles cannot normally be copyrighted. Yes, Star Wars is one of those exceptions. So I wondering if we ought to apply for trademark status for “Convoy 2000”, because there are more than one of them in the world.
- A while back in one of the “Surfin’ With The Rubber Duck” articles, I noted that the London Metropolitan Police were staging a relief convoy for Romanian children.
- Another charity run called “Convoy 2000” is a drive around mainland England, Scotland & Wales in Model Y and C Ford cars. Coincidentally, this event is a recreation of a similar drive in 1933 which Ford organized to publicize the reliability of the then-new Model Y.
- And the Chernobyl Children’s Project has already concluded their Convoy 2000, sending humanitarian aid to the city of Chernobyl, The Ukraine.
Of course, next year’s trip will be called “Convoy 2001”, so maybe we can manage with the unofficial title of the series.
[At this point, TA Chafin and Carey Dodson are having heart attacks, clutching their chests and saying “He wants to do this again next year?!” — Ed., a.k.a. “Space Commander Glueboy”]
The Legend-News: 2000 May 15
My Dad Drove In Convoy 2000
And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt
This Shameless Promotional Pitch is brought to you by the Convoy 2000 Information Page, your one-stop web site for all things Convoyish.
Do you have enough t-shirts? Check your dresser drawer or closet right now; we’ll wait here.
[Tap, tap, tap…]
Not enough, right? And that Metallica one is looking a bit faded, isn’t it? Well now for a limited time you can own a genuine, unfaded, guaranteed to cover your upper body, 100% wool-free Convoy 2000 T-shirt! That's right! The one and only official t-shirt of the 25th anniversary Convoy coast-to-coast trip. One size fits all (it comes in extra large only, so if it doesn’t fit, you need to exercise)! And it carries the official Convoy 2000 logo, complete with a map of the trip (well, sorta)!
So don’t delete, buy today! ’Cause when these t-shirts are gone, there ain’t a-gonna be no more! At $11.95, they’re a steal! Send check or money order to
T A Chafin
4753A Westland Blvd
Arbutus, MD 21227-1332
USA
[2010-02-01: This address is not valid. — Ed.]
Further details can be found on the Convoy 2000 “What’s Available” Page.
Get something to show your kids! Get something to show your grandkids! Lord it over your drinking buddies with the t-shirt that’s guaranteed to prove that you know a great t-shirt when you see it!
And remember, there's only 22 days until Convoy 2000!
Packin’ It In
With two weeks remaining, it’s time that you start seriously preparing for Convoy 2000. For your convenience, here’s a handy checklist:
- Make sure that you’ve got enough clean underwear for the journey; the only skidmarks that you see should be on the pavement.
- Bring a couple a’ quarts of oil. You never know.
- Ditto on the jumper cables.
- Cool shades. Ray-Bans are good, Oakleys are terrific. Skip the Foster Grants though; they’re so ’60s.
- Lots of change and dollar bills. You are a-gonna pay some tolls.
- Fix that outside rear-view mirror. Yeah, you know the local yokels well enough to pass, but you do want to be able to see them alien bears comin’ up from behind.
- Hat. Ball cap or western-style (cowboy) are preferred. Berets will be ridiculed.
- 40-channel CB radio. If you don’t have this, then you’d better stay home.
Weather Or Not
On a more serious note, please be aware that although the schedule for Convoy 2000 has been made with the knowledge of possible traffic delays, we can’t anticipate everything.
In the past few weeks, there’s been flooding in Missouri, west of St. Louis, but it hasn’t affected I-44. And in New Mexico, the fire at Los Alamos is far north of our route. So barring anything unusual — and that includes tornadoes (you did know that we’d be driving through Tornado Alley, didn’t you?) — the trip ought to be uneventful, as far as the driving goes.
Now I-80 through northwest Indiana is always a crawl, but there’s nothing we can do about that.
The Legend-News: 2000 May 22
Convoy 2000 Countdown
Only 15 days until Convoy 2000! Okay, 16 if you’re reading this on Sunday night. (Nitpickers :)
Here at McCall Central — a.k.a. the second house on the left on Ojibwa Drive — I’m washing the travel clothes and getting the maps marked for the journey. Since I’ll be travelling on the full route, as will T A Chafin, that means that I’ve first got to get to L.A. before I can start back, so this vacation is going to be two weeks long. I’ve already warned the day job that retraining will be necessary upon my return.
Updates to my web site will be sporatic, if I manage any at all. However, the Convoy 2000 Information Page will be updated this week with a list of the hotels and motels at which we (T A and I) will be staying along the route. And during the five-day journey, T A will be uploading pictures on every day. Let’s hope that T A doesn’t exceed his storage space at AOL.
And speaking of T A, he still has some Convoy 2000 t-shirts available. Better get one or two or three now, because once the
Smithsonian Institution
asks for one to place in the
Museum of American History, he’ll be raising the price!
Send check or money order for $11.95 each, plus $2.00 shipping (for up to five shirts) to
T A Chafin
4753A Westland Blvd
Arbutus, MD 21227-1332
USA
[2010-02-01: This address is not valid. — Ed.]
More details can be found on the Convoy 2000 “What’s Available“ Page.
The Legend-News: 2000 May 29
Convoy 2000 Countdown
Only 8 days until Convoy 2000!
My bags are packed, I’m ready to go. I’m standin’ here outside the door— wait a minute, that’s someone else’s song!
As of 07:00 CDT this morning, I’m on my way west to the starting point of Convoy 2000. I’ll be meeting up with T A Chafin somewhere on Old 30, and we’ll be checking out the sights and visiting a few places in Iowa while on our way to the Golden State.
If you're planning to join us on the trip east, remember to check the Convoy 2000 Information Page, because T A will be updating it as the Convoy heads towards the Jersey shore. And if you’re looking for us on the CB, give a hail on channel 13, The Official CB Channel of Convoy 2000™. We’ll also be monitoring 19, but 13 is the preferred channel.
T A will be bringing along the rest of the t-shirts, just in case you’ll be joining us and you want one. Same price — $11.95 — but no delivery charge.
Westbound and down, eighteen wheels and rollin’, we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done— oops. That too is someone else’s song!
The Legend-News: 2000 June 5
Convoy 2000 Countdown
At 08:00 PDT tomorrow, in a rest area on I-10 near San Berdoo, Convoy 2000 will officially begin.
We’re hoping for a safe and uneventful journey, but one never knows. We do hope to avoid Dirty Lyle by traversing Arizona one day earlier than he expects. We’ll be in New Mexico by the time he knows we’ve been in his neck of the woods.
If you can’t be with us, you can follow our journey on the Convoy 2000 Information Page. Pictures and commentary, and maybe a surprise guest star, will appear on those pages.
Keep the shiny side up, and break 13 for Convoy 2000; we’ll be listening. This is Silversmith, goin’ 10-10.
Next: The Journey West