The Legend-News

Monday, 2000 May 8 : Volume 3, Number 17

Convoy 2000 Tip Of The Week

Don't drive in the No-Zone! Along the way, Convoyers — and if that's not a word, it shouldn't be — will encounter a lot of 18-wheelers. Since most of us will be driving four-wheelers, we've got to remember that semi-trucks aren't cars, especially when visibility is considered. Sure, we can see them, but they can't always see us.

Consider the graphic to the right. This illustrates the No-Zone, the area in which the truck driver can't see you, or in which it's just plain dangerous to be. Sure, the trucker's got outside mirrors, but his field of view isn't unlimited. He doesn't have eyes in the back of his truck, either.

You can learn more about the No-Zone at its official web site, a campaign of the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration.

Only 29 days until Convoy 2000!

My Event Is Convoy 2000!
No, My Event Is Convoy 2000!

One of the rules of copyright law states that book and movie titles cannot normally be copyrighted. Yes, "Star Wars" is one of those exceptions. So I wondering if we ought to apply for trademark status for "Convoy 2000", because there are more than one of them in the world.

Of course, next year's trip will be called "Convoy 2001", so maybe we can manage with the unofficial title of the series.

[At this point, TA Chafin and Carey Dodson are having heart attacks, clutching their chests and saying "He wants to do this again next year?!" — Ed., a.k.a. "Space Commander Glueboy"]

C.W. On The Air

Hearing C.W. McCall on the radio is rare, unless you're a fan of the Dr. Demento Show. Since October 1975, the Doctor has played C.W. McCall songs 51 times. In the past month, he's played "Comin' Back For More" and the "Convoy" parody "Car Phone" by Sheeler & Sheeler.

On the home page for the newsgroup, there's a search engine that looks through the past playlists of Dr. Demento shows. A search for the artist "c.w. mccall" reveals that C.W. songs have made 10 appearances on the Funny Five, and "Comin' Back For More" was ranked as number 17 on the Funny Twenty-Five for 1991.

By the way, "Comin' Back For More" is one of the selections on Dr. Demento's 30th Anniversary Collection, "Dementia 2000".

Song A’ Th’ Week

Let's take the shortcut. The route is scenic, the air is clear, and we've got a few hours to kill.

Black Bear Road
(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Chip Davis)
From the album Black Bear Road

Me an' RJ an' the kids was on a camp-out in the mountains, and we had us one'a them U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep cars which we rented from a fella by the name of Kubozke for thirty bucks a day, buy your gas along the way, take a rabbit's foot and leave a pint of blood for a dee-posit.

And he 'splained it all to us how we was supposed to get to Telluride, which is fifty miles away by way of the regular highway, however, there was a shortcut but unless we had drove the Black Bear Road before, we'd better be off to stay, stay in bed and sleep late. (Pay no attention to the gitar there.)

Well, we took up off'n the highway and we come upon a sign says "Black Bear Road. You don't have to be crazy to drive this road, but it helps." I says, "RJ, this must the shortcut road Kubozke was talkin' about." She didn't pay no mind, 'cause she was makin' peanut butter sandwiches for the kids in the back seat throwin' rocks and drinkin' Kool-Aid and playin' count-the-license-plates. But they wasn't havin' too much fun a-countin' license plate or cars, 'cause there weren't no other cars.

We went about a mile-and-a-half in about four hours, busted off the right front fender, tore a hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall closet. Went over a bump and spilt the Kool-Aid and Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife right through the convertible top and the dog threw up all over the back seat. Peanut butter don't agree with him, you see.

So we had to stop and take off the top and air everything out and clean it up. The dog run off and RJ says she felt her asthma comin' on. I was sittin' there wonderin' what to do when the en-tire scenic San Joo-wan U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car sank in the mud. At thirteen thousand feet above sea level.

Well, we shoveled it out and ate our lunch, the dog made a yellow hole in the snow and Roy Gene got out his Instamatic and took a snapshot of it. Mary Elizabeth drawed a picture of the road; it looked like a whole bunch a' Zs and Ws all strung together. And RJ took one look at it and said that the only way that Jeep car is goin' down that road is over her dead body. Then a rock slipped out from under the wheel and the U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car went right over the edge of the cliff. Yahoo-oo-oo-oo!

"Doggone-it, Roy Gene! How many times do I have to 'splain it to you? When I tell you to put a rock under the wheel, I mean rock! Now look at that, what you have there is no bigger'n a grapefruit."