The Legend-News
What We Got Here in this edition of The Legend-News.
- Fifth Monday Of The Month
- C.W. McCall Tour 2002 and Other Events
- Meanwhile, Back At The Critter Ranch
- How To C.B.
- Old Home Café
- Song A’ Th’ Week: "Rocky Mountain September".
Caution: this newsletter contains subtle humor. You have been warned.
Fifth Monday Of The Month
Ed. finds an excuse for slacking off.
Old-time readers of The Legend-News may recall those heady days of pre-Millennium madness, when this newsletter was published weekly.1 Ah, the energy of youth!2 But Ed. got lazy, and decided that he'd like to spend an occasional weekend outside of the home office; besides, there really wasn't that much news about C.W. McCall. If only the World Wide Web had existed in the mid-1970s… but we're just dreaming.
Anyway, The Legend-News moved to a bi-weekly publication schedule. The staff (see last issue) relaxed and used those long weekends to catch up on the important things in life, such as cropping the ground cover ("mowing the lawn", to you suburbanites) and watching all of those videotapes of television programs that they'd recorded years ago but never actually saw.3 Yes, life was good.
We know what you're thinking: "Ed.'s changing the publication schedule again! What's it gonna be now? Monthly? I'm not getting my money's worth! Wait a minute, this newsletter is free. But that doesn't matter: he's depriving me of his deathless prose and ready wit!4 That dang-blasted, horn-swogglin' excuse for a C.W. McCall fan!"
You are wrong! Although monthly is certainly appealing, we're not going that far: we're just reducing our frequency to twice per month on the first and third Mondays, which means that we'll skip the fifth Monday of any month that has a fifth Monday. This year (2002, for those of you who lost track), there are five Mondays in April, July, September and December; for the last week of those months, there will not be an issue of The Legend-News. That doesn't mean that there will be four weeks between issues; we're just skipping that week, and The Legend-News will be published the next week.
Person in the back of the room: Ooh! Ooh! (waving hand in air, wildly)
Legend-News: Yes, person in the back of the room?
PITBOTR: You said that you won't be publishing on the fifth Monday of a month, right?
L-N: That's correct.
PITBOTR: And today is April 29th, the fifth Monday of the month, right?
L-N: Yes, it is.
PITBOTR: So why are you publishing an issue today?
L-N: uh, because, well, you know, it's like… okay, we lied. We're publishing an issue on this fifth Monday. But this is the last fifth Monday on which we'll do that.
We realize that some readers may not appreciate this action, but we will strive to handle all complaints and refunds. Send those cards and letters to legendnews@techren.net, and we will see that they are promptly ignored.5
Notes
1 By "pre-Millennium", we mean "pre-2001". Here at The Legend-News, we know how to count the years.
2 To tell the truth, Ed. is only 48, which is relatively young if you're Bob Hope.
3 What? FOX cancelled Millennium? Those bastards!
4 We'll let you know when it's ready.
5 We promise to read each and every message. Then we'll ignore them. You have our promise.
C.W. McCall Tour 2002 and Other Events
The highways and byways that we used to roam.
39 Days to go until the biggest C.W. McCall-related event of 2002! If you're as excited as we are, you probably need to change your shorts. You won't get another chance such as this, to semi-aimlessly wander through Iowa and Nebraska just to get your picture taken in a small town that's miles away from the nearest Interstate highway. A pretty good excuse for a long weekend, in our humble opinion.
The C.W. McCall Tour 2002 is a two-day event, taking place on Friday, June 6 and Saturday, June 7. Our base will be in Omaha, Nebraska, and we'll be buzzing around the east end of Nebraska and the west end of Iowa in a whirlwind trip, visiting the towns that C.W. McCall has mentioned in his songs. From Fiscus to Jacksonville, Quick to Correctionville, but not necessarily in that order.
A small observation that we've made: two years ago, when Convoy 2000 sped across the nation, gasoline prices were at their highest level since the so-called "fuel shortages" of the 1970s. Coincidentally, gasoline prices were lower in the summer of 2001 when there was no C.W. McCall tour; but in 2002, prices are high again just in time for a C.W. McCall trip. Or is this really a coincidence? We think that these high prices are an attempt by foreign governments to stifle the return of rampant C.W. McCall fandom. That's right: terrorists are plotting against you and I. And if you don't participate in the C.W. McCall Tour 2002, the terrorists win.
See the Tour 2002 section for more information, and warm up your vocal chords by downloading the karaoke version of "Convoy" (provided by Alan Chafin) from the TechRen FTP site.
And, The World's Largest Truck Convoy is in Orlando, Florida on July 20. See the February 18 issue of the Legend-News. From news reports that we've read, the one's going to be big. So big, that Special Olympics International might be sponsoring many such convoys in the years to come. Yeah, coming to a town near you, a lot of big trucks stuck in traffic. Sorta like I-90/94 in Gary, Indiana.
Meanwhile, Back At The Critter Ranch
What the fans are doing.
[As far as we can tell, nothing happened in the past two weeks. Either that, or every C.W. McCall fan was busy watching the Cubs lose, which takes up a lot of time when you think about it. Go Cubs!]
Old Home Café
Back where it all began
C.W. McCall continues his week of co-hosting Music City U.S.A. with T. Tommy Cutrer, November 1975. This selection is from Thursday's show, November 20.
[T. Tommy] C.W. McCall, our co-host all a' this week. And C.W., of course, is big in Colorado mountains and Nebraska to go and camp out. This little fella, he digs goin' to Colorado and the mountains. He really does believe in all a' that, too, doesn't he?
[C.W.] You must be talkin' about Johnny. John Denver.
[T. Tommy] Do you know him?
[C.W.] I have not met John yet; I'm lookin' forward to that one of these days. He and I love the same kind a' country, of course. The only thing different between John Denver and me is a couple a' million dollars.
[T. Tommy] You suppose? I guess you could say that.
[C.W.] Yeah, John's got it all. He really has it all up there.
[T. Tommy] Does he live up in Denver someplace, does he?
[C.W.] Yeah, he lives up in Aspen.
[T. Tommy] Aspen, Colorado? He just loved that country and moved up there. Well, you'd have to have money to be able to do that, you know, unless you can make a livin' up there.
[C.W.] Well, he's a superstar.
[T. Tommy] Yes, he is. Here's John Denver and "Thank God I'm A Country Boy".
Song A’ Th’ Week
Words without music. Call 'em poems.
Thank God I'm A Country Boy
(John Martin Sommers)
From the John Denver album
Back Home Again
(1974)
Well, life on the farm is kind a' laid back
Ain't nothin' that a country boy like me can't hack
Early to rise, early in the sack
Thank God I'm a
[Whoa. Sorry about that. This isn't a John Denver fan site.]
[Later, in that same show…]
[T. Tommy] C.W. McCall is our co-host all a' this week, and we need to get back to some of your material.
[C.W.] Yeah, I think you got one comin' up here that's a little different kind of material for me. I'm usually kind a' identified with the funny and comedy and laugh-it-up songs, and I don't really like to write love songs very much but here's one that's called "Rocky Mountain September". And it's one of those songs that you have to know the situation and feel it in order to do it and I just had a nice time writing it.
[T. Tommy] As you said the other day, most of your songs are actual happenings to you and your family, except you may extend the truth a bit to make it more clever.
[C.W.] That's right, yeah. But this is one of those boy-meet-girl then girl-leaves-boy, and it's all very nostalgic.
[T. Tommy] That's a typical hillbilly song you've written there, C.W. Let's do it: "Rocky Mountain September".
Song A’ Th’ Week
Words without music. Call 'em poems.
Rocky Mountain September
(Bill Fries, Chip Davis)
From the album
Wolf Creek Pass
When the skies are gray, and the wind is cold, I remember. How the snow was silver, and the leaves were gold when I left her. It was early mornin', on a Rocky Mountain September. And she was gone.
Well now it's five A.M. an' I'm a hunnert an' ten miles from Denver
An' the snow is silver an' the leaves are gold an' I miss her
'Cause it's another mornin' on a another mountain September
An' I'm alone
Yeah, we climbed the mountain together, an' we stood on top a' the world. But now I gotta remember it all… alone.
When the fire is warm, an' the sun is cool, in November. When my heart is young, and my mind is old, I remember. An early mornin', on a Rocky Mountain September. And she's gone.
Well now it's fall again an' I'm a thousand miles from nowhere
An' I can can hear her voice an' I see her smile an' I miss her
An' it's another mornin' on another mountain September
An' I'm alone
Yeah, we climbed the mountain together, an' we stood on top a' the world. But now I gotta try to remember it all… alone.
Next Issue
Next Monday, May 6, is the first Monday of the month, so you'll be receiving another issue of The Legend-News. Yes, next Monday. From then on, we'll be publishing on the first and third Mondays of every month.
Old Home Café: we come to the end of C.W.'s week of co-hosting Music City, U.S.A. with T. Tommy Cutrer. Yeah, it had to end sometime.
Daylight Wasting Time: An Ed.itorial: It's a month late, but Ed.'s got something to say about that semi-annual lunacy (or would that be "solacy"?) wherein the governments of 46 states convince their citizens that screwing up their circadian cycle is all for the public good.
Song A’ Th’ Week: a C.W. McCall rarity. This song has appeared as a Song' A' Th' Week, but only once before and over three years ago. Read the back issues, or make a wild guess.
See you in half-a-fortnight.
The Legend-News is published fortnightly — unless the fortnight is the fifth Monday, in which case it's published fortnightly-and-a-half — by TechRen Enterprises, a division of Mitosis Limited. Contents Copyright 2002 TechRen Enterprises, except for anything that we borrowed from someone else. Thanks to Bill Fries and Chip Davis for the words and music, and thanks to a Large Multinational Record Company That We Can't Name Because They Might Notice Us for not suing our pants off. "And as the sun sets slowly in the west, we bid goodbye to (fill in name of place here)".