The Legend-News

Monday, 2003 February 3 : Volume 6, Number 3 Latest⇒

What We Got Here in this edition of The Legend-News.

Meanwhile, Back At The Critter Ranch

New Critters: No new Critters this week.

On the other hand, Space Cadet Ed (hey, that's me! Hoohoohahaha!) continues to receive requests from Important People who want to talk to Bill Fries. Call it "uncompensated public relations". Anyway, there's a freelance writer who wants to do an article on Bill, and a guy from Philly who's working on a radio special about C.W. McCall. I'm not certain of the status of the project by the writer, but the guy from Philly is Shadoe Steele of Entercom Broadcast Group (WKRZ and WKRF-FM). Shadoe has already interviewed Bill, and the program is in production. I'll post information about the program's broadcast as soon as it's available.

Midland CB Commercial

C.W. McCall did several commercials in the 1970s for Midland CB radios. Ron Sparks has an MP3 of one on his web site. For the benefit of the MP3-less, here's a transcript of that 60-second commercial. It was originally recorded off the air on June 21, 1976, during a broadcast of the CBS Radio Mystery Theater.

(Background music: "Convoy")

Rubber Duck: "Mercy sakes, this is Rubber Duck. Gonna be late, 'less one of you cowboys can help me."

Well I was headin' for a gig in my four-wheel rig
An' I was runnin' late, gettin' down
'Cause with all a' them folks on the boulevard
We weren't never gonna get across town
But when you got you a Midland CB rig
Well, you got about a million friends
You don't have to be no cotton-picker
Just a-settin' and a-sweatin' your hands

Join the Midland Convoy
Get a Midland CB

Trucker: "10-4, Rubber Duck. Slip on in behind this 18-wheeler, c'mon."

Well, I coulda' set on that ramp 'til the leaves turned brown
'Cause them cars was wall-to-wall
But I had me a Midland CB rig
And them truckers all heard my call
If we hadn't a' slipped in between them semis
I never woulda broke that line
But with a little help from the Midland Convoy
Rubber Duck was right on time, 10-4.

Trucker: "3s on ya, good buddy. You truck 'em safe now, ya hear?

Go on the Midland Convoy
Get a Midland CB

Rubber Duck: "When you get a Midland CB, you get a Convoy Buddy. C'mon."

Guy reading the small print: "FCC license required."

Old Home Café: The Next Generation

Episode X: Jon And The Cake Factory, Part Three

The odor of burning bacon wafted into the dining area from the kitchen. On the griddle, the intended over-easy eggs were well-done and crispier than the bacon. Fortunately, the pancakes were not yet in flames, but a few more seconds would fix that oversight. At the counter, all four coffee carafes were sitting empty on hot warmers, in flagrant violation of the manufacturer's warning.

On the sidewalk outside of the Café's front door, 18 people stood in line in the warm July early morning. For two hundred and fifty feet in ever direction from the intersection of 1st and Main there wasn't a parking space to be had; and still cars and trucks cruised past the Café, squeezing into any gap that their drivers could find.

And inside the Café, standing in the middle of the room and looking shell-shocked, stood Jon, staring at the crowd outside and the crowd inside, and wondering how he could have ever predicted that in his first 37 minutes of business, he'd have a full house — all 47 seats were filled, and couple of people were standing in the corner by the rest rooms and pay phone — with even more customers waiting to enter.

At 5:39 A.M., Sergeant Roy Hudson of the Harrison County Sheriff's Department arrived, bubble-gum lights flashing. He double-parked on 1st, then strode past the queued customers and into the Café.

Next: The Big Pisgah Riot

Song A’ Th’ Week


(C.W. McCall, B. Fries, C. Davis)

From the album Wilderness.

The appearance of Sergeant Roy Hudson at the Old Home Café, and the inclusion of this song, are merely coincidental. I swear.

[C.W. clears his throat.]
Roy. By C.W. McCall.

I had an old cat named Roy.
He was a good ol' boy.
He used to go a-huntin', down by the lake,
Catch 'im a nice, fresh garter snake.
Bring 'im on back and then set in the grass,
Lookin' like he had 'im a green mustache.
Yeah, Roy was a good ol' boy.

'Til the dogs got 'im.

Next Issue

An interview with Bill Fries; Old Home Café: The Next Generation heck breaks loose; and a Song A’ Th’ Week.

The Legend-News is published fortnightly — unless the fortnight is the fifth Monday, in which case it's published fortnightly-and-a-half — by TechRen Enterprises, strange visitor from another planet. Contents Copyright 2003 TechRen Enterprises, except for anything that we borrowed from someone else. Thanks to Bill Fries and Chip Davis for the words and music. "Top of the world, Ma! Top of the world!"