The Legend-News

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Monday, 2010 December 6 : Volume 13, Number 7
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What We Got Here

Business not usual; songs of the season; what does it mean, anyway?; stuff we said before; and directions to somewhere else.


There’s No Variety In Ouray

Bad news, folks: another small business has closed.

V&S Variety, a small general store in Ouray, Colorado, has closed its doors. If you’ve visited Ouray, you probably stopped at V&S to buy an audio CD or cassette of C.W. McCall music, or maybe get a videotape or DVD of San Juan Odyssey.

Our man in Ouray reports that V&S, and perhaps a few more stores in town, have closed because of lack of business. Despite the beauty of the town, and its place in Colorado history, the tourists just haven’t been visiting as often as they used to.


“Sing Silent Night” and Friends

Guideposts is selling a 4-disc, 75-track collection of The All-Time Greatests Hits of Christmas. Although the online description doesn’t mention it, one of the songs included is “Sing Silent Night” by C.W. McCall.

According to Gary Theroux, the producer of this set, after “Sing Silent Night” he programmed a quiet, low key version of “Silent Night” by Connie Francis.

Also in this collection: “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby; “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives; “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley; plus four stories, “The Gift of the Magi”, read by Lorne Greene; the classic radio version of “A Christmas Carol”, featuring Lionel Barrymore as Ebenezer Scrooge; and a recreation of “Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus”, performed by Gary Theroux and Julia Myers’.

This collection is available only directly from Guideposts’ shop, for $39.96.


Over the Double Nickel

I’ll Never Grow Up

I’ve never understood the admonition, “act your age!”

When I was a child, it seemed to be a order to not act like a child. But being a child, I didn’t know any other way to act; so I usually stopped whatever I was doing, and stood there puzzled. This did lessen the fun of whatever it was that I was doing, but this reaction usually served to halt the rant of the adult who had given me the order.

Eventually I learned that any sort of activity that involved rapid movement or laughter was likely to trigger the “act your age!” response in nearby adults. The lesson that I learned: when you’re near adults, especially those of an advanced age — about 25-years-old and up, and particularly parents — don’t have fun. Save the good times for when Mom’s in the kitchen, Dad’s in the garage, and you and your friends are free to romp, run, and laugh in the yard. (Can you tell that I grew up watching television situation comedies from the late ’50s and early ’60s?)

You might not consider 25-years-old as an “advanced age”, but when you look at it from the perspective of a six-year-old, you can probably see that anyone who’s four times your age must be Old. When I was in second grade, I thought that the eighth-graders were just shy of being grown-ups; and 25 years was really grown-up. I’ve always been a poor guesser when the question is someone’s age.

I’m growing older, but not up (thank you, Jimmy Buffett). I prefer to wear Levi’s 501 denim jeans and running shoes and t-shirts, and for “dress-up” I’ll wear a mock turtleneck shirt. I haven’t worn a tie since 1992.

I don’t feel Old. A bit worn, maybe, and my knees snap and crackle when I stand up. To me, at 56, Old is shuffling when you walk, wearing dentures, and losing your hair; and I’m none of those. I’m just in my late adolescence. And still, when some people look at me, in my jeans and sneakers and shirt-without-collar, I know that they’re thinking “act your age!”

Nope. Ain’t gonna happen.

— Ed.

“Over the Double Nickel” is an occasional column by Ed. Floden, who refuses to accept your reality. Collect them all!


Previously, in The Legend-News

Remember that “Convoy” movie from 1978? Here are two articles from The Legend-News issues of 1999 May 14 and 2000 January 31, about the novelization of the movie. These articles have been edited to avoid confusing references.


Copies of the novelization of the motion picture “Convoy”, by B.W.L. Norton, are hard to find, even in the auctions on eBay. So, in my continuing quest to educate and inform the world about C.W. McCall, I’ve decided to reprint an excerpt from this piece of C.W. McCallaneae (yet another new word that I’ve coined). However, given my efforts to persuade any record label to release the Original Six albums on audio CD, I suspect a reprinting of this novel is pretty much out of the question.

Front cover:

Convoy novelization, front cover TO MEN HE WAS
A LEGEND IN A
BIG RIG. TO WOMEN
HE WAS A LEGEND
OF ANOTHER KIND!

NOW A BREAKNECK
ADVENTURE FILM FROM UNITED ARTISTS

Starring KRIS KRISTOFFERSON
and ALI MacGRAW

CONVOY
a novel by B.W.L. Norton

Back cover:

Convoy novelization, back cover BREAKER ONE-NINE,
BREAKER ONE-NINE —
HERE COMES RUBBER DUCK AND
THE BIGGEST, MEANEST, RAUNCHIEST
TRUCKIN’ ARMY EVER!

THE SPEED LIMIT WAS 55…and the
truckers were mad. At 55, the haulin’ was
slow, the take was poor, and the bears were
shining their badges and licking their chops…

Then Rubber Duck appeared.
He knew what to do.
They were gonna make themselves
a Convoy — an asphalt-crunching
horn-blasting Convoy…

They would roll past the tanks, the bears,
the poised machine guns…
roll wild and proud,
straight into trucking history…

Pre-title page:

CONVOY
The runaway novel of the men and women
who fought The Great War of the Open Road!

KEEP ON TRUCKIN' WITH THE CONVOY…

RUBBER DUCK: The Michelangelo of truckology, the brains behind the Convoy…

DANGEROUS CURVES: She fit her handle like a glove — but Rubber Duck was well-equipped to make the sharpest turns…

LYLE “COTTONMOUTH” WALLACE: The sneaky, snakey ole boy of a bear who had nasty plans for Rubber Duck's tender hide…

LOVE MACHINE: He had the sweetest little pleasure palace on eighteen wheels — and no queen to share the fun…

WIDOW WOMAN: The lady trucker…she was woman enough to take on four husbands — and every one of them died with a smile on his face…

CONVOY

PROLOGUE

The giant tank lumbered into position on the northern approach to the bridge. It was an M-60A2, one of the most advanced prototypes, not usually assigned to the National Guard, but this was a crack unit, the best in Texas, and sure to be the first called up in any national emergency.

While the men on the tank completed their final course and range adjustments, the rest of the squad fanned out into the rocks and scrub on either side of the road.

“Damned if I know what we’re doing here,” one of them wondered aloud. “This ain’t no war.”

“Shut your face, man,” his buddy ordered curtly. “Listen.”

From the distance came the low-pitched rumble of powerful engines approaching rapidly like a summer storm. The noise sent a wave of activity through the two Texas State Police cars and the single armored riot-control vehicle that were backing up the action across the bridge.

Suddenly a black Mack diesel came roaring around the curve and semijackknifed to a stop about fifty yards from the tank guarding the bridge. Before the dust had a chance to completely settle, another M-60A2 pulled around the bend behind the truck, effectively cutting off any escape to the rear. Behind this second tank was a line of big-rig diesels that stretched back around the curve and out of sight. In the abrupt silence that followed, the giant machines seemed to be holding each other at bay like prehistoric animals.

“It’s him all right,” the guardsman spoke again. “Look at the hood on that truck.”

The hood ornament on the Mack had been replaced by a Woolworth-type rubber duck, identifying the driver as their quarry, the man who spirit and determination had brought them all — the police, the truckers, the National Guard, even the FBI — to this time and place: The Rubber Duck.


Shilling For The Pence

Buy Tom Claffey’s novels, and Santa will put you on his Good List.

Read movie reviews without spoilers at The Thinking Chick’s Guide.

Starved for entertainment (which you probably are, if you’re reading The Legend-News)? Follow LegendNewsFlash on Twitter.


The Legend-News is published almost monthly by TechRen Enterprises, second house on the left. Copyright 2010 TechRen Enterprises. Send subscription requests, unsubscribe demands, complaints, kudos, suggestions, news and other contributions to Legend-News@cw-mccall.com. Almost everything in The Legend-News has been written by Ed. Floden, except for the stuff that he blames on someone else. “All these worlds are yours, except Europa. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace.”