Lewis And Clark
(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Chip Davis)

Now Arnold Jones an’ Marybeth Jensen’s in a
’Vette down by the Deep-Rock
Had John Denver on the 8-track gittin’ high
Marybeth’s wig was on the floor
an’ Arnold’s feet was out the door
When we shined our flashlight in Arnold’s startled eyes
I sez what-chew doin’ boy?
Don’t chew know thass a-ginst th’law?
We just gonna hafta git this situ-ation under control
Now my names’s Fairweather Lewis an’ this here’s Willard Clark
And we the Pottawattamie County Love Patrol

Then two hippies in a Chivvy’s a-puffin’
grass an’ sippin’ wine
’Bout fourteen mile south-east a’ Council Bluffs
They was passin’ ’round th’ peace-pipe
When we caught ’em with our flashlight
An’ Willard’s hairy hands applied th’ cuffs
I sez, boys you got some trouble
You committin’ herb-i-cide
We jus’ gonna hafta git this situation under control
’Cause I’m Fairweather Levwis, an’ this here’s Willard Clark
An’ we the Pottawattamie County Weed Patrol

Then we spied ol’ Marvin Kline a-headin’
south on twenty-nine
Like a midnight auto ac-cessory store on wheels
His trunk was fulla hub caps
’An ’is back seat fulla tires
When we picked ’im up and made ’im spread ’is heels
I sez hands up-on th’ wall, boy
You allowed t’make one call
We just gonna hafta git this situation under control
Cause see, I’m Fairweather Lewis, an’ this here’s Willard Clark
An’ we the Pottawattamie County Rip-off Patrol

Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go Club
In ’is bran’ new motor-cycle
Runnin’ stop-lights, raisin’ hell an’ causin’ accidents
His brain was doin’ wheelies
And his blood was three-two beer
When we nailed ’im in ’is driveway at ’is residence
I sez Orval you in troule boy
But if you’ll blow this here balloon up
We gonna git your situation under control
Now I’m Captain Fairweather Lewis an’ this here’s Willard Clark
An’ we the Pottawattamie County Juice Patrol

Then we’s passin’ by the Dew-Drop-Inn
When we heard this woman scream
So we pulled on in an’ parked an’ got th’ guns out
Well we bashed on through th’ lobby into unit seventeen
There was twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on
I sez ever-body up a-ginst the’ wall
An’ show us yer identification. We just gonna definitely
git this situation under control
Cause my name’s Fairweather Lewis, an’ this here’s Willard Clark
An’ we the Pottawattamie County Sin Patrol

(C’mon, Willard, let’s go sneakin’ ’round in th’
dark s’more, never know what yer gonna find.)

These are the lyrics as they’re printed on the album cover, with one difference: the printed lyrics are displayed in ALL UPPERCASE letters. Read the lyrics, as transcribed from the album.

“Lewis And Clark” does not appear on any C.W. McCall audio CD.