The Legend-News

Monday, 2002 May 6 : Volume 5, Number 10

What We Got Here in this edition of The Legend-News.

Caution: this newsletter contains subtle humor. You have been warned.

Daylight Wasting Time: An Ed.itorial
Ed. needs a nap.

This rant will be short but sweet.

Fact Number One: one definition of a "standard" is "an object that is regarded as the usual or most common size or form of its kind". In other words, something that comprises more than 50% of its group is the standard for the group.

Fact Number Two: The year 2002 has 365 days.

Fact Number Three: In the year 2002, Daylight Saving Time is in effect (for those states which use it) from 7 April to 26 October, a period of 203 days.

Fact Number Four: In the year 2002, Standard Time is in effect from 1 January to 6 April, and from 27 October to 31 December, a period of 162 days.

Observation: "Standard" Time applies for only 44.4% of the year. "Daylight Saving" Time applies for 55.6% of the year.

Conclusion: "Standard" time is not the standard; "Daylight Saving" Time is the standard. Therefore, "Daylight Saving" Time should be properly designated as "Standard" Time. This means, obviously, that what we currently refer to as "Standard" Time must actually be "Daylight Wasting" Time.

The Problem: Alledgedly, people want "more hours of daylight".

The Solution: Get up an hour earlier in the morning, and stop messing with my clock! "Early to bed and early to rise", ever hear of it? Sheesh!

[The weird observation: Benjamin Franklin said "Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." Ben is also responsible for the original idea of "daylight saving time", although he did not live to see it actually implemented. That action was the result of a busybody preacher who couldn't abide his neighbors being abed while he was up with the dawn.]

C.W. McCall Tour 2002 and Other Events
The highways and byways that we used to roam.

32 Days to go until the biggest C.W. McCall-related event of 2002! If you're as excited as we are, you probably need to change your shorts. You won't get another chance such as this, to semi-aimlessly wander through Iowa and Nebraska just to get your picture taken in a small town that's miles away from the nearest Interstate highway. A pretty good excuse for a long weekend, in our humble opinion.

The C.W. McCall Tour 2002 is a two-day event, taking place on Friday, June 7 and Saturday, June 8. Our base will be in Omaha, Nebraska, and we'll be buzzing around the east end of Nebraska and the west end of Iowa in a whirlwind trip, visiting the towns that C.W. McCall has mentioned in his songs. From Fiscus to Jacksonville, Quick to Correctionville, but not necessarily in that order.

DA BIG NEWS: we have headquarters! Tourmeister Alan sez:

The official residence for the McCall Tour 2002 is:

Super 8 Motel - Carter Lake/Eppley Airport
3000 Airport Drive
Carter Lake, IA, 51510 US

Now, don't let the address fool you. It's only about 2 blocks from the airport, on the Nebraska side of the Missouri River. (I'll explain about that when we're all together.) The rates are reasonable and they say they have plenty of rooms still available.

So call now, while rates (phone, anyway) are low!

See the Tour 2002 section for more information, and warm up your vocal chords by downloading the karaoke version of "Convoy" (provided by Alan Chafin) from the TechRen FTP site.

And, The World's Largest Truck Convoy is in Orlando, Florida on July 20. See the February 18 issue of the Legend-News. From news reports that we've read, the one's going to be big. So big, that Special Olympics International might be sponsoring many such convoys in the years to come. Yeah, coming to a town near you, a lot of big trucks stuck in traffic. Sorta like I-90/94 in Gary, Indiana.

World's Largest Truck Convoy logo

Old Home Café
Back where it all began

We've come to the end of C.W.'s week of co-hosting Music City, U.S.A. with T. Tommy Cutrer. Today is Friday, 21 November 1975.

The C.W. songs that were played this day were previously featured in earlier in the week.

[T. Tommy] First, we're gonna introduce our co-host today, and he has been all this week and a great co-host he's been, too. He is the star of MGM Records, makes his home nowdays in Omaha, Nebraska, his name is C.W. McCall.

[C.W.] Hello once again, T. Tommy.

[T. Tommy] Hello, C.W. You know what I've found? That I really expected you to be funny all of the time, and you a pretty serious thinker.

[C.W.] Well, I don't know…

[T. Tommy] To tell you the truth, C.W., you ain't very funny at all; you just as serious as you can be. No, I'm just kidding. A fella couldn't be funny; it would be silly after a while.

[C.W.] Yeah, it'd get to ya, y'know? Just goin' around, sayin' those lines all the time.

[T. Tommy] Mom would run you off if you acted that silly all that time. You ever get a hankerin', when you performed one a' these songs and then you've done it several times on the stage and you have different ideas, "I wish I had said so-and-so?" Has that ever happened to you?

[C.W.] Oh, all the time. Yeah, especially, y'know, if you write 'em yourself. "Why didn't I write it that way?" or "I thought of a good line."

[T. Tommy] Get new ideas on the same song?

[C.W.] Uh huh. In fact, sometimes I'd like to rewrite the whole thing, but you can't.

[T. Tommy] I wonder how that would be? I don't guess anybody's ever done something like that.

[C.W.] No, I guess you haven't. I guess a sequel, y'know I've often thought of sequels to songs.

[T. Tommy] Yeah, your stories could do that.

[C.W.] Y'know, answers to a question that was posed in a previous song, or something like that. I'm gonna try that some time.

[T. Tommy] What, the "Old Home Filler-Up Café" could be turned into a masoleum or something, you know a sequel to that story.

[C.W.] Or burn down…

[T. Tommy] It could turn out to be very clever. Let's do the "Convoy". Here's C.W. McCall.

[Song A' Th' Moment: "Convoy"]

[T. Tommy] "Convoy" the title of that one, by our co-host all a' this week, C.W. McCall. That's still a cute story.

[C.W.] "Convoy", that's for the truckers. That's the one where the truckers win.

[T. Tommy] Charlie Douglas, and Bill Mack, and some a' them big — Ralph Embry and Harold Hensleigh and Grant Turner — all them big disc jockeys, they be playin' that you see.

[C.W.] Yeah, all night.

[Song A' Th' Moment: "The Silverton"]

[T. Tommy] You kind a' tired now. It been a long week for you?

[C.W.] I just flew back from Honolulu.

[T. Tommy] You did?

[C.W.] All in one shot, from Honolulu to Chicago. We were doin' a show out in Honolulu, and that's the first time that I've been to Hawaii. "Havaii", as they say.

[T. Tommy] Listen, C.W., when you go over there do you work military bases, or where?

[C.W.] No, this is a show that I did for a private audience, the American Association of Advertising Agents.

[T. Tommy] I would think your stories would be big at conventions.

[C.W.] Well, I have a presentation that I do that tells the whole story of how we got into this whole thing. And advertising agency audiences find it kind of interesting, so I've done a lot of that.

[T. Tommy] And the 8-to-5 boys are saying, "Well, I don't have to continue writing this copy much longer. I'm gettin' tired a' producin' these sad commercials. I'm gonna get out of this business and be a big singin' star like C.W."

[C.W.] You need a few breaks, I'll tell you that.

[T. Tommy] But it's a great story, I imagine.

[C.W.] Yeah, it is. Well, it's an unusual story. They just don't usually do it the way I did it.

[T. Tommy] C.W., you wanna tell us that story now about how your life's history is?

[C.W.] Well, about two years ago I wrote three commercials for a very obscure bread company in the upper Midwest. The name of the bread was "Old Home Bread"; you don't see that around here.

[T. Tommy] Is it good bread?

[C.W.] Yeah, it is pretty good bread.

[T. Tommy] You say, "you don't see that around here", you mean "you don't see that around Nashville."

[C.W.] Right.

[T. Tommy] Where would it be? Is it in Montana, for instance?

[C.W.] No, it's Nebraska and Iowa and South and North Dakota and Minnesota.

[T. Tommy] We're in some of those markets, I don't remember exactly where. But we're in maybe all of those states. I remember seeing Iowa on the list, and I remember seeing Nebraska, Montana, and Colorado.

[C.W.] Well, that's where it is. Not too many had heard of them before these commercials, and now they're practically a household word on everybody's lips, you know, because the commercials were the story of C.W. McCall, the truck-driver who drove for the Old Home Bread Company, and a waitress named Mavis at the Old Home Filler-Up An' Keep On Truckin' Café. And now there actually is an Old Home Filler-Up An' Keep On Truckin' Café as a result of these commercials.

[T. Tommy] You're kiddin' me.

[C.W.] Yeah, Hinkel's Café in Pisgah, Iowa changed their named officially here, about six months ago, to the Old Home Filler-Up An' Keep On Truckin' Café Number 1. [Now known as Raines' Old Home Café. — Up-To-Date Ed.]

[T. Tommy] Cost 'em fourteen hundred dollars to put the new sign up.

[C.W.] Well, they did it themselves. Pisgah's not too big a town; about 250 people.

[T. Tommy] But do you know that I've heard of Pisgah?

[C.W.] Have you?

[T. Tommy] It's very famous.

[C.W.] Pisgah, Iowa? Where did you ever hear of it?

[T. Tommy] I have no idea, but I've heard of Pisgah, Iowa.

[C.W.] Well, it must a' had something to do that was related to these commercials. They were somethin' else. Anyway, I was the voice on the soundtrack; I did it myself because I had written the lyrics.

[T. Tommy] Couldn't find you an announcer that could do what you wanted to?

[C.W.] I couldn't find anybody who could read it the way I had it in my mind. Y'know, how it oughta sound like. So I tried it, and besides that it saved us a lot of money.

[T. Tommy] Remember the poor announcer you put out of work.

[C.W.] Well, now, you know…

[T. Tommy] Go ahead, I'm kiddin'.

[C.W.] But anyway, we released a record based on these commercials, and we called it the same title of the cafe, y'see. And we released it on our own label, American Gramaphone, and released it regionally. Well it sold about 30, 35 thousand copies and it did very well and the record companies began to call us up and say "how'd you like to take that and go national with it?" And we'd never thought we'd ever think of doing that; we just did to see what would happen. We really weren't trying to do the whole number on it. But it took off, and MGM signed us up and here we are now two years later with our album. The four singles that we've done so far have been right up on the charts and both our albums — in fact, our album was number 1 on the charts here last June — Wolf Creek Pass. I just couldn't believe it when I saw that. I just had no idea that this is ever gonna happen to us.

[T. Tommy] And this is what started it all, what we're about to play right now.

[C.W.] This is it.

[T. Tommy] "Old Home Filler-Up An' Keep On A-Truckin' Café."

[Song A' Th' Moment: "Old Home Filler-Up An' Keep On A-Truckin' Café"]

[T. Tommy] Come down to the wire, C.W. We need to tell the story about the Black Bear Road.

[C.W.] Once again, huh?

[T. Tommy] Now there really is a Black Bear Road?

[C.W.] Yeah.

[T. Tommy] Is it because there are black bears are on the road? Do you see them?

[C.W.] No, it was named after the Black Bear Mine. And in order to get to the Black Bear Mine, you had to take the Black Bear Road.

[T. Tommy] What state is this in?

[C.W.] This is in Colorado. Southern Colorado, in the San Juan Mountains. The San Juans, by the way, are the most precipitous, the most rugged chunk of the Rocky Mountains. There are more fourteen-thousand-foot peaks in that one little region there than there are in the whole rest of Colorado.

[T. Tommy] Almost three miles high?

[C.W.] Yeah, that's right. Anyway, this whole area's laced with jeep roads. They're now jeep roads; they used to be wagon roads, you know. And one of those roads is the Black Bear Road, and it has often been regarded as one of the worst jeep roads in the whole country.

[T. Tommy] You have to go on those things though, don't you?

[C.W.] Yeah, they're really exciting, you know. You don't go very fast; maybe one or two miles per hour in super-low gear; you know, "granny low" as we call it. In four-wheel drive.

[T. Tommy] Put in the dog, and let's go.

[C.W.] You go through everything under the sun on those roads. Bogs, rocks, and 30-degree tip-over inclines, and everything, you know. It's a white-knuckler.

[T. Tommy] This is the story of the C.W. McCall family trip, on "Black Bear Road".

[Song A' Th' Moment: "Black Bear Road"]

And that's the end. T. Tommy and C.W. said goodbye, and C.W. continued his career as a hot country singer. Then one day… but that's a story for another time.

Song A’ Th’ Week
Words without music. Call 'em poems.

When you read the track listings for C.W. McCall's Greatest Hits and The Best Of C.W. McCall (you do own those CDs, don't you?), you'll note that for some inexplicable reason that not all of C.W.'s songs are listed. Obviously, the Powers That Be (a.k.a. Universal Music Group) haven't yet realized that a nice box set of the works of C.W. McCall would be appreciated by his fans. Imagine not only the contents of the Original Six albums, but all of the alternate versions and non-album singles that were ever made. Yes, and pigs flying over frozen Hell. Thanks, Universal!

Anyway, here's a song by C.W. that is a rarity. When Ed "Silversmith" Floden and Alan "Skywalker" Chafin visited with Bill Fries in June 2000, they asked Bill about this song. Bill said that he didn't remember why he recorded it, but he thought that it may have been for a political campaign in 1980.

This is definitely a call to arms, but the enemy is the complacency of the people who fail to take responsibility for what they do. This land is your land, this land is my land, and this land is Woody Guthrie's land. If we don't fix the problems, no one will.

Kidnap America
(Paul Hampton, Sage Allen)
Released as American Gramaphone AG-369-1, 45 rpm, stereo, 1980.

I got plan; yeah, a plot's what I got
To help this country rise again
All a' the haves
Join the have-nots
And strip our fears off while we can

[Chorus; C.W. only]
We've gotta kidnap America
Hold it for ransom
Put a price on our own head
And we won't give back America
'Til ev'ry one of us
Start payin' up, stop playin' dead

Hold up your head
You got it up?
Doomsday's been comin' for a hundred years
But it's not here yet
An' it ain't a-gonna come
Unless we drown in our own tears

[Chorus; the other singers]
We've gotta kidnap America
Hold it for ransom
Put a price on our own head
And we won't give back America
'Til ev'ry one of us
Start payin' up, stop playin' dead

Stand up, Americans!
We are the people!
And the shirt's bein' stripped right off of our backs
We've let it happen
And we've gotta stop it
Before the spirit of sweet Liberty cracks

You guys in office!
You better listen!
We're sick an' tired of gettin' took
This ain't no crap game!
This is our future!
So run this country by the book

Pay up with courage!
Don't die for terror
We got the guts; we're the home of the brave
Well the home may be crumblin'
But not the foundation
It's still as strong as the day it was laid

[Chorus; the other singers]
We've gotta kidnap America
Hold it for ransom
Put a price on our own head
And we won't give back America
'Til ev'ry one of us
Start payin' up, stop playin' dead

I wanna thank ya
For your time

Next Issue

Let's see: we're out of stuff with C.W. and T. Tommy; we haven't found any new "old" news articles about C.W.; what the heck are we going to publish?

The Legend-News is published fortnightly — unless the fortnight is the fifth Monday, in which case it's published fortnightly-and-a-half — by TechRen Enterprises, a scam of Enronian proportions. Contents Copyright 2002 TechRen Enterprises, except for anything that we borrowed from someone else. Thanks to Bill Fries and Chip Davis for the words and music, and thanks to a Large Multinational Record Company That We Can't Name Because They Might Notice Us for not suing our pants off. "You watch yourself, Acadian." "No need for concern, miss."