The Legend-News

[an error occurred while processing this directive]
Saturday, 2004 July 10 : Volume 7, Number 5 Latest⇒

Ed.'s Head

The Too-Long Widening of the Road

Yeow! Try to plan a schedule these days, and watch the roadblocks spring up all over! And I'm not even talking about the publication of The Legend-News !

No, I'm talking about construction season, which is one of the two seasons here in the area of northeastern Illinois, the other season being "winter". The local roads, which were barely passable during periods of inclement weather (a.k.a. "snow"), are now almost impassable due to the proliferation of lane dividers, road barriers, and imaginative temporary lane striping.

Alledgedly, all of these obstacles will eventually be removed to reveal brand-spankin'-new expanses of concrete that will allow all of us drivers to more efficiently zoom 'tween the red lights. Zoom, that is, until the next round of pavement replacement occurs next year.

The World's Largest Truck Convoy

Keep this date on your calendar: September 18, 2004. That's the scheduled date for The World's Largest Truck Convoy (WLTC). This year there will be more than one Convoy: as of July 9, twenty-seven states and the province of Alberta, Canada will be holding WLTC events .

WLTC is the creation of Corporal Norm Schneiderhan of the Orange County (Florida) Sheriff's Department If you have a truck and want to participate, or if you just want to know where the convoys will be held, check the official web site , write to , or telephone +1 (202) 628-3630 or +1 (800) 700-8585.

Department of Corrections

In the previous issue of The Legend-News , I published a parody of "Convoy" by Guardsman Ray Grossman , who's currently in Iraq. I made an error in identifying the "Mark Nineteen" that's mentioned in the song.

Bartowski fired off his Mark Nineteen
And he claimed he nailed an R.P.G!

I said that it was "A sidearm, any of several models of the Desert Eagle ", but Grossie corrected me, saying that it was actually the 40mm grenade launcher/machine-gun (and here it is mounted on a Humvee ). That'll teach me to rely on the folk wisdom of the Internet!

I have inserted a correction into The Legend-News, and the new page in "Parodies and Other Funny Songs" which features "Iraqi Convoy".

Gone Missing

Once upon a time, I had the lyrics the song "CB Savage" posted in the "Parodies and Other Funny Songs" section. Somehow, and I can't figure out how, I lost the page! I've checked all of my site archives, dating back to 1998, and I cannot find wherever those words went.

If anyone has a copy of the lyrics — I don't need an audio file, because I have that — would you please send them to me? I, and Critter John Sturgeon , will be most appreciative. Not that I can't just listen to the song and do the transcription again, but the less work that I need to do, the better.

The White Zone Is For Downloading Only

If you've visited the FTP site lately, have you experienced any problems in downloading the files? I've had two reports from Critters who have managed to get to the directories, but they are not able to actually download any files.

Please report your experiences to, and please tell me what is the application that you're using (a web browser or an FTP client) and its version number, and the operating system that you're using (Windows 98, Mac OS X 10.3.4, etc.).


Tale Of The Tape

Critter Greg Hembree reports that he's acquired an audio tape of the soundtrack for San Juan Odyssey , the multi-media slide show that Bill presented in the Ouray Opera House for about twenty years.

San Juan Odyssey cassette insert San Juan Odyssey cassette side 1

By his description, this tape seems to have the same contents as the LP, of which I do have a copy. When I last visited the V&S Variety in Ouray I bought a copy of the videotape version of San Juan Odyssey , but I didn't see any audio cassettes. If you want the videotape of San Juan Odyssey , call them at 970.325.4469, or e-mail to

[ Update, 2011-04-15: Bill informed me that the V&S Variety has closed, due to declining business and higher rent.]

Greg also writes "Thought you might like to see a couple of the pictures that the wife took while in Iowa on a recent junket with her two sisters. They were raised in Cherokee, IA, and, of course, knew all about C.W.

"One picture is of the landscape around Pisgah, IA, and a place in the Loess Hills known as "Preparation Canyon" that was used by the Mormons on their trek west. The other two are at the Café, one outside; and one of a poster, I'm sure you probably have, on the inside wall.

Loess Hills near Pisgah Iowa Old Home Cafe, Pisgah, Iowa
C.W. poster at Old Home Cafe

We're headed west for a "Lewis & Clark" trip and will stop in Pisgah for lunch so I can inspect the renovations myself."

Bill On Bill

Critter Carey Dodson spotted some articles by Bill on the site for The Rand Holman Show . Apparently, Bill has been writing an occasional piece for Rand's site, under the umbrella title " A Side of Fries ". [This site is 404. — Future Ed.]

The entries on the page are in reverse chronological order, and the newest is "American Spirit" for July 1, 2004. The first item dates back to November 9, 2003.

My lack of knowledge of this venue only serves to prove that I am not omniscient, which may come as a shock to some of my readers. Sorry about that. I will maintain a watch upon it, and report future entries as they are published.

The Legend-News is Copyright 2004 TechRen Enterprises, the company with the chewy nougat center. If you don't want to read it, either close your eyes or send a message to and complain. "Chevron seven is locked."