Black Bear Road
(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Chip Davis)

Me an’ R.J. an’ the kids was on a camp-out
in the mountains an’ we had us one a’ them
U-Drive-’Em Army Jeep cars which we had rented
from a fella by the name a’ Kuboske for thirty
bucks a day buy your gas along the way take
a rabbit’s foot an’ leave a pint a’ blood for
a dee-posit.

An’ he’d ’splained it all to us how we’s
’sposed to git to Telluride which was fifty
miles away by way of the regular highway
however there was a short-cut, but unless
we had drove the Black Bear Road before,
we’d be better off to stay in bed an’ sleep late.

Well, we took up off’n th’ highway an’
we come upon a sign sez Black Bear Road
you don’t hafta be crazy to drive this
road but it helps. I sez R.J. this must
be the short cut road Kuboske’s a-talkin’
’bout she didn’t pay no mind ’cause she’s
makin’ peanut butter san’wiches for the
kids in the back seat throwin’ rocks and
drinkin’ Kool-Aid an’ playin’ count the
license plates but they wasn’t havin’ too
much fun a countin’ license plates or
cars ’cause there weren’t no other cars.

We went about a mile an’ a half in
about four hours busted off the right
front fender an’ tore a hole in the
oil pan on a rock as big as a hall
closet went over a bump an’ spilt the
Kool-Aid an’ Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife
right through the convertible top an’
the dog threw up all over th’ back seat
(peanut butter don’t agree with ’im, see)

So we had to stop an’ take off the top an’
air everything out an’ clean it up the
dog run off and R.J. sez she felt her
asthma comin’ on I was settin there
wonderin’ what to do when the en-tire
Scenic San Juan U-Drive-’Em Army Jeep car
sank in the mud. (At thirteen thousand feet
above sea level)

Well we shoveled it out an’ ate our lunch
the dog made a yella hole in th’ snow an’
Roy Gene got out his Instamatic and took
a snapshot of it Mary Elizabeth drawed a
pitcher of the road it looked like a whole
bunch a Z’s an’ W’s all strung together
R.J. took one look at it and said the
only way that Jeep car was goin’ down
that road was over her dead body then
a rock slipped out from under the wheel
and the U-Drive-’Em Army Jeep car went
right over th’ edge of a cliff.

(Doggonit Roy Gene how many times do
I have to ’splain it to ya when I tell
you ta put a rock under th’ wheel I mean
rock! Now lookit that what you had there
ain’t no bigger’n a grapefruit.)

These are the lyrics as they’re printed on the album cover, with one difference: the printed lyrics are displayed in ALL UPPERCASE letters. Read the lyrics, as transcribed from the recording.

“Black Bear Road” can be found on the albums C.W. McCall’s Greatest Hits and The Best of C.W. McCall.